I'M BACK...

Hey everybody,

Sorry for the long absence, but it's been a long month. First, I had the lupus flare, then the port surgery, then two rounds of Rituxan (chemo) + IV steroids, and then I caught the flu once my immune system was compromised. I narrowly avoided another hospital stay. Thank God:-) I am hopeful and have faith that better days lay ahead for me. Thanks for all the support and prayers. It keeps me going.

Right now I'm having a major disconnect between the person I used to be and who I am now. Kind of like this story Bill told me about Bingo yesterday. Bingo is our chocolate lab and he's growing old, tired, and has horrible arthritis. Yesterday, Bill took the younger boys and a friend out to the land, and they decided to take Bingo along. Bingo (in his younger days) loved to camp and run and play while we did that. So, when the boys went down to the creek (a steep downhill, rocky climb), Bingo followed, thinking he could do it. Apparently, he made it partway down, got stuck between some rocks, was abandoned by the fast-moving boys, and then gave up. Bill heard him barking and followed the sound of it to where he was. Bingo had given up and refused to even try at that point. So, Bill ended up carrying Bingo up the hill, over his shoulders like a shepherd would carry a lost sheep. To put this in perspective, Bingo is a big lab (about 100 lbs) and I don't know how Bill managed. But he did, and after that he said Bingo stayed right next to him for the rest of the day -- just so thankful he was safe.

So, I was struck by the similarities between Bill and Bingo and God and me. A stretch -- you decide. I was down and out, stumbling through the sickness and my rocky path of life. The fast-moving world continued on around me. I gave up for a while, not realizing that while I was calling out for God -- he was already there and on His way to once again carry me up the imposssible uphill climb my life seemed to be at the time. Today, I thank God for being there, hearing my desperate call, and carrying me when I couldn't walk the road alone. I'm still not in love with all my health problems, and I don't think I need to be...but I'm back on path and ready to take it one step at a time again, knowing that if I can't do -- God will carry me.

Thanks for your prayers, and thank you for all of those in my life who have also carried me. And thanks, Bingo -- for an important lesson. I will try to get back into blogging...it helps me to share my thoughts. And it's part of the way that I fight.

Much Love,
Michele