SUNDAY...

Hi Friends...

I'm having a nice and restful Sunday. As a family, we made it to church today. It felt really nice to be able to worship God together, and it made me feel as if my recovery is finally happening:-) After church, I drove all by myself -- for the first time in a long time and went to get my nails done. So, that was nice, too. Other than that -- no big plans for today. We will just have a nice, restful day at home. Bill is out in the garage. Nate and Isaac are biking with their friend, Mason. Cam is on the computer. He also has some final projects to work on this weekend as he only has 2 weeks left of school. And Molly just finished watching TV and is waiting for me to come and help her with a kitchen clean-up. So, I'm off to do that.

Have a great weekend. And remember all those people in the military who make our freedom possible every day.

Love,
Michele

ONE DAY AT A TIME...

Hi Friends,

I didn't get around to blogging yesterday, but it was generally a good day. Our cleaners came in the morning. Bill had the day off and took the kids out for lunch and some errands and shopping while the housecleaners were here. I spent the day around home, mostly focusing on laundry and organizing the kitchen. I also went through our homeschooling materials and was able to recycle and/or give away some things that we are no longer using. I even took a bath and managed to change into some clean jammies -- so it was a day of accomplishment for me. Although my energy level is returning after the chemo, I still have to be careful not to overdo:-) Sometime I can be my own worst enemy -- because when I do feel better, I do too much which has a tendency to push back any progress I've made.

We all stayed up late last night and slept in this morning. I LOVE A QUIET, LAZY MORNING!!! We were considering spending the night at the land this weekend -- but I wasn't quite up for it. And Isaac wasn't happy about going without me. So, Bill elected to just take the two youngest boys and their friend, Matt, out for the day today. He bought a brush trimmer at Home Depot for the land, and he is planning to work on that today. I'm at home with Cam and Moll and we're enjoying a quiet day. Molly and I have been watching some "chick flicks" on TV and enjoying some mother-daughter time. And Cam is upstairs playing computer/video games and watching TV. Typical teenage stuff!

I am hoping that conserving my energy today will enable me to go to church tomorrow. I haven't been there for a month or so -- and I really need that time with God and my community of believers. So, now I'm back off to bed to veg out for the day. It always seems SO quiet without the boys here:-) And it stays so clean -- there's almost nothing to do -- not that I'm complaining.

Enjoy your long weekend! And have fun with where you are/what you are able to do NOW!!! Because now is what we have -- that is easy for me to see as I live one day, or one hour, or even one minute at a time. I thank God for what I have and what I can do in the NOW, trusting Him to plan my life:-)

Much Love,
Michele

LIFE IS PRICELESS!

Hi Friends!

We received the bill for my most recent two rounds of Rituxan (chemo) last night. It was almost $68,000 for my cure, but I've decided that my life is priceless! I am just so glad that there is a cure and that it's working. I just got off the phone with Dr. Cohen -- gotta love a doctor who calls himself to check on you:-) He is very happy with how I'm doing and says we may be able to throttle back on some of the other meds now! So, hopefully we'll have some time to relax and just 'be' before I do chemo again in October.

I made it to church last night, which was a big step back to "normal" for me. The good thing about being in your PJs for a month is that when you finally take a bath and get dressed, everyone says: "You look so nice!" It's pretty funny!

Today is a nice, quiet rainy day here. Because of the rain, they're not doing any construction -- so I am truly enjoying the quiet. Because RiverPark is a new community, the constant noise of construction has been something we've had to get used to.

I'm looking forward to Bill's 4 day weekend, time together as a family out at the land, and church on Sunday. Now off to do some learning with the kids:-)

Much Love,
Michele

HOPE...

"And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5

Hi Friends!

I'm snuggling in my bed with Nate and Isaac watching a documentary on ocean life. And I'm thinking about hope. I strive to live my life on purpose or in other words, to purposely live my life. I couldn't do that without my faith in God, because that's what gives me hope. And without hope and faith, I wouldn't have the strength needed to put one foot in front of the other in the midst of suffering. Because I believe, however, I can not only endure, but "boast" in my suffering, which will in turn produce endurance, character and more hope. What a blessing!

After I finish writing this, I will go and make some french toast for "brunch." Then we'll have a day of learning and doing. I have great kids! Isaac is working really hard on his reading, Nate is really into his Eragon books and ancient times, and Molly is learning about fashion design, animals, and reading the Little House books.

I am SLOWLY (not a word that comes easily to me) sorting and organizing things in our house. This rental house was meant to be temporary while we closed on the land, so we're not sure if we'll stay here when our lease is up in September. We may decide to move closer to Cam/Mol's high school while we continue to build. In which case, I don't want to be moving outgrown clothes and a bunch of clutter -- so that's why I'm trying to get back into organization. And if we decide to stay here -- it doesn't hurt to be a little bit tidier:-)

Besides that I'm working on wash and hoping to have enough energy to make it to Bible study at church tonight. One thing that's hard about illness is the isolation from other people, and I haven't been to church for a while. My health and energy level are slowly coming back after the chemotherapy. While I am thankful for Rituxan (as it continues to save my life time after time), it's definitely a hard road!

Have a great day...and remember...where there's life, there's hope:-)

Much Love,
Michele

HAPPY 19TH ANNIVERSARY, BILL:-)

Hi Friends!

Today is my 19th wedding anniversary with Bill. So, today's blog is dedicated to him...can't imagine the journey of life without you by my side, or in some cases carrying me. I'm so blessed to have you in my life, and I'm honored that you find me to be a blessing, too. Thanks for taking such good care of us and leading our family with honor and integrity... I love you.

So, I think today I'll teach the homeschoolers some lessons about marriage. You know, all the things you wish you had known before you tied the knot...interesting topic. And they'll do their usual learning. I told them they're not allowed to say we're "doing school" anymore. That's because the purpose of homeschooling is not to "do school at home," but rather to learn in all we do and encourage each child to love learning and find their purpose in life. (Don't freak out, they are learning what they should, but as Bill says, "You learn by doing!") Nate had a hard time with the concept, because he's so "black and white" -- but I think I finally got my point across.

Last night we got everyone into bed (their own beds, even) at a reasonable time. Bill and I stayed up past midnight and were able to have a little celebration of our 19 years together. We decided that the land was our anniversary gift to each other. I am hoping my health continues to improve, so that I can go out there with the family this weekend. It's Bill's Friday off, so he has a 4 day weekend.

Yesterday I was able to walk to the park with the kids, bathe and get dressed, and even do some mundane chores around the house. For that I was thankful. I look forward to seeing what today brings...

Have a great day!!!

Much Love,
Michele

I FELL DOWN, BUT I'M BACK UP AGAIN...

Hi Friends,

I've been through a bump in the road of life this month. I'm going to be easy on myself and say that my mood was caused by all the treatment and pain and didn't reflect a negative attitude toward life in general:-) I've decided I was just dealing with my life by grieving, and I'm OK with that. After all, grieving helps you to adjust and leave the sadness behind as you move forward. I needed to nurse my wounds and deal with my loss of health and function, my normal energy, my own "thwarted" plans and dreams, lack of time, privacy, friends, etc. I'm not whining...just explaining!

But I think that season is coming to an end for me(at least for now). I woke up today, and I was glad for Monday and the promise of a new week. Am I physically feeling better? Maybe not, but I'm at least over the flu, out of the hospital, and we've beat the lupus back, so that's it's not life-threatening right now. NOW is all I am going to think about and focus on. Now is what I have and it's a gift from God. I never really had control over my life in the first place. That was just an illusion, which I was blessed (in my own special way) to have shattered with illness. Because when we live our lives according to God's plan and control rather than fighting it --life tends to go better.

God always brings good from the bad. For example, Bill just commented last night how glad he was that "you have so much time to pray." That's something you can do while spending so much time in bed:-) In that spirit, I am going to focus on what I can do this week, not what I can't do...what I have, not what I don't. I'm just on the journey...no sorrows or worries about falling down (I'm human), but I'm back up again...

Happy Monday!!!
Much Love,
Michele

I'M BACK...

Hey everybody,

Sorry for the long absence, but it's been a long month. First, I had the lupus flare, then the port surgery, then two rounds of Rituxan (chemo) + IV steroids, and then I caught the flu once my immune system was compromised. I narrowly avoided another hospital stay. Thank God:-) I am hopeful and have faith that better days lay ahead for me. Thanks for all the support and prayers. It keeps me going.

Right now I'm having a major disconnect between the person I used to be and who I am now. Kind of like this story Bill told me about Bingo yesterday. Bingo is our chocolate lab and he's growing old, tired, and has horrible arthritis. Yesterday, Bill took the younger boys and a friend out to the land, and they decided to take Bingo along. Bingo (in his younger days) loved to camp and run and play while we did that. So, when the boys went down to the creek (a steep downhill, rocky climb), Bingo followed, thinking he could do it. Apparently, he made it partway down, got stuck between some rocks, was abandoned by the fast-moving boys, and then gave up. Bill heard him barking and followed the sound of it to where he was. Bingo had given up and refused to even try at that point. So, Bill ended up carrying Bingo up the hill, over his shoulders like a shepherd would carry a lost sheep. To put this in perspective, Bingo is a big lab (about 100 lbs) and I don't know how Bill managed. But he did, and after that he said Bingo stayed right next to him for the rest of the day -- just so thankful he was safe.

So, I was struck by the similarities between Bill and Bingo and God and me. A stretch -- you decide. I was down and out, stumbling through the sickness and my rocky path of life. The fast-moving world continued on around me. I gave up for a while, not realizing that while I was calling out for God -- he was already there and on His way to once again carry me up the imposssible uphill climb my life seemed to be at the time. Today, I thank God for being there, hearing my desperate call, and carrying me when I couldn't walk the road alone. I'm still not in love with all my health problems, and I don't think I need to be...but I'm back on path and ready to take it one step at a time again, knowing that if I can't do -- God will carry me.

Thanks for your prayers, and thank you for all of those in my life who have also carried me. And thanks, Bingo -- for an important lesson. I will try to get back into blogging...it helps me to share my thoughts. And it's part of the way that I fight.

Much Love,
Michele