DECISIONS, DECISIONS...

Hi Friends,

Thanks for your continued love, support, and prayers. I like that I am allowed to make the decisions regarding my medical treatment -- it's my body, my quality of life, etc. But sometimes I don't like the choices. Today for example -- Saturday is my megadose of methotrexate (where I take 8 chemo pills at once), and usually I'm pretty sick for Saturday and Sunday -- then OK for the rest of the week. Well, today I had two choices. 1. Take the chemo pills on top of already having the flu. Better for the lupus, but could make me VERY pukey and possibly dehydrated and needing IV fluids. or 2. Skip the methotrexate for this week. Better for the flu recovery, but after 8 weeks we finally had the methotrexate to a therapeutic level. So, I'd be taking the chance that lupus crap would be back and it might takes weeks to get back to my current pre-flu health.

I thought for a while, and consulted SuperMan and Dear Doctor, who both said it was up to me to decide whether I could handle the treatment today. And I'm SO invested in this remission that I chose to take the pills. I hope it was the right choice long-term. Because short-term it has been a really sucky day spent mostly on the floor next to my toilet. I remember the first time I was hospitalized in the oncology ward at LosRobles, and all I could hear was the sounds of people wretching and crying. It was so sad. Now I can say I feel their pain. I'm spending so much time on my bathroom floor that I'm seriously considering moving a pillow and blanket in there:-(

Of course, I'd have to bring in the netbook, too. I've been watching NetFlix for most of the day -- so far, The Man Without A Face, Good Will Hunting, and Outsourced. I have to keep my mind off the sick feeling...

SuperMan is home and he cooked dinner, did all the weekly chores with the kids, and just now got groceries. He brought me GatorAde and popsicles for hydration, so I'm working on the hydration:-) I think I can, I think I can....

But for today, lupus sucks, chemo sucks, menopause at 39 (brought on by the chemo) sucks:-) IT ALL BITES...except SuperMan and the kids taking care of me. But Isaac and Cam are still pretty sick themselves...

Gonna call Bill for a popsicle...yum, dinner:-)
Love to all!
Michele